Polly the Perspicacious Pig

Polly the Perspicacious Pig
knows Farmer Brewster wears a wig,
when Mrs Brewter’s been at the gin,
and even what state their marriage is in.

She can sense from the squeal of the tractor’s wheels
how Brewster Junior currently feels,
and predict from the path that he plods with the plough
which maid he’ll seduce, when, where and how.

This may seem much for a mere pig to ponder,
but in her situation, wouldn’t you wonder
when Farmer Brewster might go for a walk,
work up an appetite, and long for roast pork?

Or on which morning Brewster Junior might waken
and demand something more with his eggs – such as bacon?
And, if the cookbook Mrs Brewster examines
has recipes for ribs, chops, bellies, and gammons?

So, Polly has made the Brewsters her study
and written a book (the pages are muddy).
Titled Farmers: their Families, Foibles, and Food,
It’s full of advice both honest and shrewd.

Published in pig, chicken, sheep, cow, and horse
(that edition sells mainly in France, of course)
and with 28 billion copies out now
(that’s one for each pig, sheep, chicken, and cow)
it’s by far and away the world’s bestselling book –
yet not one single farmer has taken a look.

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