Neville the Nefarious Newt

Neville the Nefarious Newt
decided that he’d execute
all the judges and coppers
who’d clapped him in lockers
and taken away all his loot.

Neville the Nefarious Newt
needed to learn how to shoot,
so he stole a friend’s gun,
saying, “This should be fun!”
And he stole a few bullets to boot.

Neville the Nefarious Newt
trained for his task in Beirut.
(As you might be aware,
you will find there
The Nefarious Newt Institute.)

Neville the Nefarious Newt
used a stealth parachute,
but was spotted by Lockheeds
who said, “This we don’t need!”
and set off in hot pursuit.

Neville the Nefarious Newt
landed upside down in a boot.
Though his plans were in tatters,
it didn’t matter:
his mood was still resolute.

Neville the Nefarious Newt
attempted next to recruit
new naughty newts to his cause.
But, one thing gave Neville pause:
they never could learn to salute.

Neville the Nefarious Newt
died quite alone and destitute.
But you mustn’t worry,
and please don’t be sorry,
for Neville was really a brute.

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