Doofus the Demon Dog

Doofus the Demon Dog 
was a most frustrated creature.
His sufferings were worse than those
of Schopenhauer or Nietzsche.

He started life quite happily
tormenting souls in Hell,
but, as a special punishment –
the Devil knew him well – 
he was taken from his pleasures,
sent hence from Satan’s pits,
and materialised in earthly form –
alas that of a Shihtz –
who was so fluffy and adorable –
a precious ball of joy –
his owner made him wear a bow,
although he was a boy.

“What a silly little pooh-face,” 
she squealed. “I’ll call him Doofus!”

“I am Narth the Ultra-Ravenous,
the eater of lost souls!”
To make his point he found her shoes
and chewed them full of holes.

“I am Narth the Most Vociferous,
dread my fearsome howls!”
But all they sounded like to her
were squeaky little growls. 

“I am Narth the Odoriferous,
breathe my noxious stink!”
So she scrubbed him with pink bubbles
in the kitchen sink.

At last poor Narth – now Doofus –
had to admit that he
had been thoroughly out-tortured
by a human girl, aged three.

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