Animals in Alphabetical Appearance

Anton the Audacious Aardvark
Anton theAudaciousAardvark Anton the Audacious Aardvarkwas always up for a good lark.He made a habit of trying on suitswith their owners still in them, just for hoots. When climbing up a flight of stairs,he liked to tweak folks’ ankle hairs.He’d save a week’s supply of antsto hide in someone’s underpants.And when he felt especially perky,he’d […]
Betty the Beauteous Budgerigar
Betty theBeauteousBudgerigar Betty the Beauteous Budgerigarknew that she was meant to go far. She preened her feathers from dusk ‘til dawn –the brightest yellow a bird’s ever worn.From dawn ’til dusk, she’d dance and sing,and try hard to be interesting. At last, just when her luck seemed out,she was spotted by a talent scout. “Mon […]
Claude the Conversational Cockroach
Claude the Conversational Cockroach Claude the Conversational Cockroachtakes the unconventional approachof making friends with passing strangersalthough he knows quite well the dangersof hefty boot or rolled newspaperthanks to his aunt. He had to scrape heroff the kitchen table when she triedto share her views on pesticide. (Although Claude was not overwhelmed, it’swhy he now wears a cycling […]
Doofus the Demon Dog
Doofus the Demon Dog Doofus the Demon Dog was a most frustrated creature.His sufferings were worse than thoseof Schopenhauer or Nietzsche. He started life quite happilytormenting souls in Hell,but, as a special punishment –the Devil knew him well – he was taken from his pleasures,sent hence from Satan’s pits,and materialised in earthly form –alas that of a Shihtz –who was so […]
Ethel the Ebullient Elephant
Ethel the Ebullient Elephant Ethel the Ebullient Elephantcried “I don’t see why the hell I can’tgo for a jog in a pair of high heelsand eat nothing but ice cream for all my meals.I’m hiring the very best DJ in townand inviting all of my ellie friends round.” “But, Ethel, how will they fit through […]
Floyd the Flamboyant Flamingo
Floyd the Flamboyant Flamingo Floyd the Flamboyant Flamingo was as camp as camp can be,and everyone knew that he was gay,as gay as gay Paree.  Except for poor old Florence. She thought he was cute,and whenever Floyd came strutting byshe’d sigh, “Oh, what a beaut!” Of course, Floyd paid no heedto Florence’s shy smiles,for he was […]
Gerald the Geriatric Gerbil
Gerald the GeriatricGerbil Gerald the Geriatric Gerbildrank pots of tea, most of them herbal. He always wore extra socks to bedand contradicted what anyone saidabout politics or the price of eggs,and complained endlessly about his legs. Scrawny, stinky, and seldom cogent,Gerald was nobody’s favourite rodent. (Sorry Gerald!) Read another poem
Harriet the Hapless Halibut
Harriet the Hapless Halibut Harriet the Hapless Halibuthad a sneaky suspicionthat she’d become somewhat stuck in a rut –a most uncomfortable positionfor a fish as flat as a pancake. In fact, it might likely provethat Harriet will not have what it takesto get herself back on the move… “Help, help,” said Harriet from the seabed,but […]